A cancer diagnosis affects not only the patient, but also the people closest to them. Loved ones often become support people, planners and companions - while also experiencing their own personal emotional turmoil. How to be there and help without losing yourself?
The role of relatives in oncological disease
Studies show that 42-46% of relatives and caregivers experience symptoms of anxiety or depression (Global Oncology, 2023). Supporting someone who is going through a cancer diagnosis and treatment can be extremely difficult. Loved ones often have to take on several roles at the same time - emotional support, practical help and outreach coordinator - while dealing with intense feelings and anxiety about their loved one's health.
They are expected to be not only physically but also emotionally involved in the other person's experience:
- the ability to be “the strong one” in a crisis,
- the ability not to collapse,
- the ability to “hold the field” and help,
- ability to engage in treatment,
- the ability to listen and provide reassurance.
These are all emotionally and psychologically demanding tasks that can only be accomplished if one is able to maintain one's own inner balance and resilience.
However, be aware that an oncological diagnosis - even if it is not the diagnosis itself - has a significant impact on the inner world of the person it supports. Experiencing:
- shock and feelings of helplessness,
- feeling under pressure and tired,
- fear of loss,
- guilt that you don't have enough energy or time for everything,
- conviction: “I have no right to complain”
- difficulty sharing feelings, which can lead to isolation.
These emotions are also perfectly understandable and part of a natural human reaction to dramatic life changes. However, very often the relatives lack the support and the opportunity to take care of their own needs, because the patient is the main focus. In fact, support facilities for the support persons would also be necessary and justified.
What control can a relative have in such a situation?
Taking care of your emotional state as a loved one is not selfish - it is a necessity to maintain the ability to be there for your loved one in the long term. Although the support person often feels powerless because they cannot directly influence the course of the illness or the outcome of treatment, they have the opportunity to consciously direct their attention to processes that may be within their sphere of control.
A relative can:
- ask for and accept support, rather than being left alone with your weight;
- recognise and regulate your emotions so they don't take over your daily life;
- manage negative thoughts, knowing that not all thoughts are true;
- use relaxation and breathing exercises to calm your body and mind;
- practice mindfulness by staying in the moment, rather than getting stuck in worrying about the future;
- develop a positive and empathetic attitude towards yourself, accepting your own mistakes and moments of weakness.
Scientific research shows that such skills can reduce stress and anxiety and help maintain balance, even in very difficult circumstances (Ferretti et al., 2023).
Start learning to help yourself!
The DARTO Centre offers support not only to patients, but also to their loved ones. Caring for yourself is not selfish, it is a prerequisite for being able to be there and help others in the long term.
What is self-help?
Self-help is the conscious ability to stop for a moment and ask yourself: What am I feeling right now, what is helping me, what should I do to stay balanced? It is an action that builds emotional resilience, helps manage stress and maintain hope.
Self-help is not incompatible with professional treatment or psychological support - it complements those resources and allows people to take an active role in maintaining their own wellbeing and strength.
IDARTO Centre support for relatives
The IDARTO Centre offers a range of evidence-based support activities not only for cancer patients, but also for their loved ones - an opportunity to learn self-help skills and strengthen inner balance.
Self-help is the conscious ability to stop for a moment and ask yourself: what am I feeling right now, what is helping me, what should I do to stay balanced? It is an action that strengthens emotional resilience, helps to manage stress and maintain hope. Self-help is not in conflict with professional treatment or psychological support - it complements those resources and allows people with support to take an active role in maintaining their own wellbeing and strength.
Self-help skills can be useful, for example, at times in life when:
- anxiety about the treatment process or the prognosis of the disease;
- feelings of hopelessness or guilt;
- feeling overworked and exhausted from everyday responsibilities;
- having difficult conversations within the family or with medical staff;
- to regain a sense of meaning and peace in life.
Mindful breathing, relaxation techniques, reframing negative thoughts and kind self-talk skills can help relieve tension, improve sleep and restore a sense of being in control of one's life, rather than just passively participating in it.
The IDARTO Centre offers a wide range of support materials, to help you learn different self-help skills.
Accessible to patients and their families:
- free worksheets and exercises that teach step-by-step practical techniques;
- free webinars with advice from professional experts and the chance to learn the techniques as they go along;
- in-depth, specialised services - for example, a tool specifically designed for cancer patients and their families 5 lessons Mind Over Matter (IMO), where you can learn stress management, mindfulness, emotion regulation and other valuable skills under the guidance of professionals.
Self-help is a powerful support tool that can strengthen inner balance, improve emotional well-being and help you cope better with the reality of your illness.
Finally
A loved one's cancer inevitably affects the whole family, but this does not mean that you should lose hope or control over your inner world. Learning to recognise and manage your emotions, thoughts and bodily reactions can help you maintain stability and a better quality of life, even in the most difficult times.
If you need support now, it's worth seeking it - it's the safe and sensible choice to help not only the sick person, but also yourself.
👉 Find out more and register for the MOM programme: https://ej.uz/idarto-mom
Sources
- Ferretti, M., Lowery Walker, K., Bires, J., & BrintzenhofeSzoc, K. (2023). Building coping skills to relieve distress and physical symptoms. Journal of Psychosocial Oncology, 42(2), 256-270.
- Global Oncology (2023). Report on family caregivers in oncology: prevalence of emotional distress.
- International Journal of Psychiatry in Nursing (2024). Family carer mental health in cancer care: a review.