How often have you said or heard someone say: “If this goes wrong, my life is over” or “If I don't find a job after university, I've wasted four years”?
Have you ever generalised one particular event to your whole life experience? For example: “My diet is completely ruined because I ate one biscuit” or “I did badly in this presentation, so I'm a terrible presenter”? Such broad generalisations are called selective abstraction. This cognitive error occurs when a person makes a judgement based on a piece of information and ignores the rest. This “all or nothing” thinking can be detrimental to our emotional well-being and overall functioning.
Of course, it is normal to feel bad when things don't go the way we want, but we should not let these events colour our whole life experience. For example, if someone thinks that losing their job means the end of their life, they are more likely to experience unhealthy negative emotions such as depression or anxiety. In this view, one ignores and forgets all the good things in one's life. Although work is a very important part of our lives, it is not our whole life. There is also health, friends, family, interests, etc. When we make such generalisations, everything else is lost sight of. Since we no longer see the good things in our lives, we are unlikely to use them or care for them. Other responsibilities may be neglected because we believe that “life is over”. Moreover, if we believe that life ends when we lose our job, we are less likely to proactively look for solutions and new opportunities. Such “black and white” thinking can be very damaging. That is why it is important to learn to live in the “grey area”.
One way to learn to stay in the “grey area” is to regularly take stock of your life when things don't go according to plan. For example, if you lose your job and think your life is over, take a step back and list the reasons why it is not. If you are trying to eat healthier and accidentally eat a doughnut, it doesn't mean that the diet has completely failed and you should stop trying. It is important to notice the moments when we get caught up in all-or-nothing thinking, and then to consciously stop ourselves and challenge the truth of these general judgements.
Of course, negative emotions after unpleasant events are normal - it's inevitable. But it is up to us whether we let these thoughts create unhealthy negative emotions and prevent us from appreciating the good things we still have.
To learn how to manage intense emotions and negative automatic thoughts, join the IDARTO Centre for “Skills for Change” or psychological techniques for the video library “Psychologist in your pocket”.
Source :: Psy.D. Shindman J. “All or Nothing Thinking”. The Albert Ellis Institute. https://albertellis.org/2015/06/all-or-nothing-thinking/